Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
