Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
