I want to walk on stilts...naked
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
