He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just puked most of my soul out..
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
