i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
