just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
