My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
