I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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