We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
