i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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