I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
