mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
