She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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