so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My vagina is officially offended.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
