Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize