Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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