um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
