At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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