i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
