I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
