This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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