K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I pour the whiskey from now on
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
