I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
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