She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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