The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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