youre lurking in front of me
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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