dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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