I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
someone owes me an orgasm
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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