no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
