I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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