that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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