I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
