Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
