Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Bring me that man meat
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
