"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize