If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
