people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
