Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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