Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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