when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
