wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
