my mouth tastes like poor choices
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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