I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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