i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
