She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
