oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I came so hard my ears popped.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize