you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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