I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
