fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
