Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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