dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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