There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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