Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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