I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
