Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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