What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
