just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
