currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
