dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
