call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
