mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
