after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
