i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize