I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
