This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize